finger in the walls,
i'm
papering the cracks,
still
breaking on the back
of your fathers' tracks,
...and so you lack
the drive to fly,
the tremors ripple in your sigh:
a seismic shy
or play the angry guy,
no matter
i will see you through
the piercing,
screaming
new tattoo,
you live to lie,
you've learned what's true...
we're more alike
than you will know,
the cracks appear
and
grow
and
grow...
Written for Poetry Jam: Castle of Glass which uses this Linkin Park song as the theme for this week:
Very nice!!! Your rhyme scheme suggested cracks opening. I was struck, too, by "the piercing, screaming new tattoo." Impressive work.
ReplyDeleteI read this several times taking different perspectives on who might be talking in this--and it worked well each way. One of my favorite reads was reading it as if you are talking to your own son. Good response to the prompt!
ReplyDeleteThis is fun... love the ending.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed the clever rhymes you used; and my favorite stanza was third. I do think we (everyone) is more alike than we sometimes realize!
ReplyDelete"breaking on the back
ReplyDeleteof your fathers' tracks,"
seems to suggest a generation of fathers who've tried to mend lives! A beautiful, multi-layered view of family connections!
we're more alike
ReplyDeletethan you will know,
the cracks appear
Really captures the whole theme that there is no hiding the cracks once they appear. Great poem and excellent take on the prompt.
Fixing to fit, mending and moulding relationships is what the struggle of life is for everyone.Everyone is flawed .
ReplyDeleteMore layered than was first apparent, this. I think it will stand a few more readings! Impressive.
ReplyDeleteha...excellent rhythm....lyrical....as if you wrote a sister song...and in the end we are more alike than we want to admit....you give enough detail to get our minds going but leave room for us to fill in some of the story as well
ReplyDeleteMuch like Peggy, I read this a few times and came away with a different meaning each time. That is the definition of a successful poem :)
ReplyDeleteDavid, another beautiful write, your words and rhyme flow so well with much emotion too:-)
ReplyDeleteOh...this one sung to my lyrical soul...perfect.
ReplyDeleteIncredible poem ... powerful and nuanced. I wish R.E.M. was still making music ~ they would have gobbled this up in a heartbeat!
ReplyDeleteI love the rhyme and rhythm of this piece too! It reads (for me) so 'big brother-ish' ... I know you ... I know you, yes. I've been there and know just what you're all about ... and yes, someone mentioned REM. YES! Haha! Very cool what you've done here!
ReplyDeleteExcellent ... we are more alike than we know ~ yes.
ReplyDeleteVery cool, nice rhyming...and poignant as well.
ReplyDeleteA beautiful poem! I like the line - we're more alike than you will now. If the poem is to a child, they never knew their parents as anyone other than mother/father. Little do they know, what we were like at their age!
ReplyDeleteThis is excellent I love the way it flows!
ReplyDelete