gone out for a while
so don't wait up
scratching the surface of
bamboo and dirt;
soil under fingernails
won't come clean
and
dead, like a battery,
in a cell-phone fatality,
drain the mind off his back
where it cannot be seen.
plugged in and charging
loading, rebooting,
an avatar sabateur
just got him motoring
slow to assemble,
but
quickly resembling;
he faces familiars
redressed in this groundhog
shell,
under the poison tree
discotheque monastery
with
closed-circuit liberty
yelling its knell.
Posted on Poets United Poetry Pantry 141
Postscript:
This poem partly inspired the latest
poem by The Unknowngnome
"Untitled, March 08, 2013."
Read it here.
ha...i am not sure what it all means completely but...those last 4 lines are a rip...and you know...there are just times i got to get out the door...and if dancing is what takes it all away, so be it...smiles.
ReplyDeleteHa-you're right Brian. So be it!
DeleteI like the ambiguiity in this one. Those are personally my favorite types of poems - ones that work the brain! I do wonder what the meaning is? If that's not too nosy.
ReplyDeleteThanks for asking Keith. I'm not surprised the meaning is unclear. I guess my interpretation is that it's about needing space/time out because of mental overload. The "avatar" in verse two stands for a version of myself that operates when I'm struggling with mental health as I have been this week. Verse two is about being dragged into the reality of everyday life when you're not reaaly feeling up for it. That's just my take on it :) Interpret it however you like!
DeleteThanks for sharing that! I just now re-read it after reading your meaning and it is all crystal clear now.
DeleteI enjoyed this...that second half especially. Like Brian, I'm not sure I totally understand it but it rocks all the same. And somehow a piece of me identifies with it...ha. :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks Jennifer. I've tried to explain it above but I'm sure we all feel like we're on a treadmill at times :)
DeleteLove the images your poem evokes and your clever wordings....but the actual meaning eludes me too...but that's ok sometime!
ReplyDeleteThanks Mary. Kind of you to say so. My interpretation of this is explained above :)
DeleteI'm seeing a shadow of a monkey on his back but maybe it's just a habit of a monk. :)
ReplyDeleteThose are great lines! I think it's a bit of both :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for the link back David. I hope the week has gotten easier for ya'.
DeleteThank you. It has indeed. Great to share this blogging community with you sir :)
DeleteThere's great mystery in their knell. Great write.
ReplyDeletesomehow this brought this film to my mind where people don't go out their doors anymore themselves but having their lives lived by an avatar while they are just mentally there because it's safe...but..i'd rather dance on the pavement and the sky falls on me..risky business life is...right..
ReplyDeletethanks for the link to the berlin song as well...just listening to it while i type this...beautiful...
The phrase "phone it in" tickles my mind as I read these images. I breath "thank God for the ways people don't see me" and "thank god for the people that do." But I never thought I'd see someone compared to a cell phone with dead batteries, nor understand the blessings of closed circuits so thoroughly. Bravo!
ReplyDeleteAwesome pairings throughout:
ReplyDeleteavatar/sabateur
assembling/resemble
monastery/liberty
Fabulous, deliberate craft. Well done.
"under the poison tree discotheque monastery" - intriguing!
ReplyDeleteInteresting and thought provoking, to be sure.
ReplyDeleteHere is my offering: http://mcguffysreader.blogspot.com/2013/03/womens-day.html
Hi David, Thank you for the explanation--sorry to hear that things have been a bit of a struggle lately. That first stanza really lays it out well "Don't wait up..." Best :-)
ReplyDeleteWell I read your explanation and can relate to the time out and need to unplug and recharge one's batteries ~
ReplyDeleteThis flows beautifully and your rhyme/near-rhyme scheme and cadence are melodic when read aloud. I so relate to your message and meaning as well. I am sensitive to social stimuli and need to sequester myself from time to time in order to maintain my personal equilibrium. One is much happier when these needs are understood and honored.
ReplyDeletedead, like a battery,
ReplyDeletein a cell-phone fatality,
Great lines and really well done. I could feel the warmth mixed with a tinge of coldness. I liked it